OK, I have resisted writing about this for lo these many months. But I just have to get this off of my proverbial chest (not my literal chest, thank goodness, which would be creepy beyond words).
Stink bugs.
They infest my house. The are seemingly everywhere, shuffling along slowly like arthritic old men, clinging to houseplants, hanging on valences, lying belly-up and dessicated on the floor of the mudroom.
Occasionally a stink bug will have a burst of energy and target the recessed kitchen lighting with crazy circles. But mostly they just park themselves. They are apparently not harmful.
The full name for the stink bug is actually the brown marmorated stink bug (marmorated meaning marbled or streaked in appearance; I looked it up). You know that you are smelly when the word "stink" is a part of your official name. They are in the insect family Pentatomidae, and were accidentally brought to Pennsylvania in the 1990s from Asia. They seem to like it here very much indeed.
Since they move with the speed of tectonic plates, stink bugs do not try evasive action when you come at them with a tissue, or piece of paper, to pluck them from their perch. Rather, they depend upon chemical warfare to protect themselves, and emit an unpleasant and surprisingly durable odor that is difficult to describe; it smells something like a combination of shoe polish and old ham. It doesn't wash off easily.
This means that you must treat the offensive little invaders gently, lest they anoint you with their peculiar perfume. You would really like to smash them with a shoe, or some other object that has a broad flat surface and can be wielded with force in a satisfying way. But that would release the stench. Don't think the odiferous beasties are unaware of this.
Vacuuming them with the handvac works pretty well. Then you have to run outside and dump them quickly, and run back into the house hoping that they are not following you. This makes you feel like an idiot, but you are desperate.
How do they get in, you ask yourself. Surely they are not just strolling in the front door whenever it opens. Well, according to entomological web sites, they get in through the cracks around doorways or windows, or from behind the baseboards, and you are supposed to seal all of these openings with calk, or some such.
Stink bugs.
They infest my house. The are seemingly everywhere, shuffling along slowly like arthritic old men, clinging to houseplants, hanging on valences, lying belly-up and dessicated on the floor of the mudroom.
Occasionally a stink bug will have a burst of energy and target the recessed kitchen lighting with crazy circles. But mostly they just park themselves. They are apparently not harmful.
The full name for the stink bug is actually the brown marmorated stink bug (marmorated meaning marbled or streaked in appearance; I looked it up). You know that you are smelly when the word "stink" is a part of your official name. They are in the insect family Pentatomidae, and were accidentally brought to Pennsylvania in the 1990s from Asia. They seem to like it here very much indeed.
Since they move with the speed of tectonic plates, stink bugs do not try evasive action when you come at them with a tissue, or piece of paper, to pluck them from their perch. Rather, they depend upon chemical warfare to protect themselves, and emit an unpleasant and surprisingly durable odor that is difficult to describe; it smells something like a combination of shoe polish and old ham. It doesn't wash off easily.
This means that you must treat the offensive little invaders gently, lest they anoint you with their peculiar perfume. You would really like to smash them with a shoe, or some other object that has a broad flat surface and can be wielded with force in a satisfying way. But that would release the stench. Don't think the odiferous beasties are unaware of this.
Vacuuming them with the handvac works pretty well. Then you have to run outside and dump them quickly, and run back into the house hoping that they are not following you. This makes you feel like an idiot, but you are desperate.
How do they get in, you ask yourself. Surely they are not just strolling in the front door whenever it opens. Well, according to entomological web sites, they get in through the cracks around doorways or windows, or from behind the baseboards, and you are supposed to seal all of these openings with calk, or some such.
Right. I might as well try painting my house with an eyelash, it would take less effort. And somehow, I just know that all of the calk in the world will not keep a determined insect out.
Why do they come in at all? They don't seem to be enjoying themselves much once they are in here. Supposedly they come in to avoid the cold winter months (which in Pennsylvania sometimes means the two weeks in January when the temperature drops below freezing). And yet, I have read that their protection system actually contains a kind of anti-freeze, making them capable of surviving the cold.
Perhaps they are just lonely. Or perhaps, like the elderly who flock to Florida in December, the inside of my home is just the warm vacation spot where they come to be with others like themselves, to play canasta and eat an early dinner, and wait for Spring.
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